Paternity Disciplined
I recently listened to Matthew Kelly’s talk on the 7 Pillars of Catholicism; one of the pillars being the topic of fasting/discipline. While the talk was given at the height of the sexual abuse crisis, its message becomes all the more imperative. Two quotes from the talk struck me: 1) You want to measure one’s happiness, then look at the amount of discipline one has in one’s life. 2) We don’t need to worry about a tyrant dictating our lives; we already have the job done ourselves. We lack self-possession.
After a month of dwelling on discipline the Lord asked why do you not approach your marriage the same way you approach work? You are more disciplined at work than in your marriage. Why, which one do you value more? Where is your appointment book/task sheet for your marriage and family life?
What does it mean to be disciplined in married life, more especially paternity? The crisis of faith, of the Church, and of our homes (minature church) is a lack of discipline of paternity .
To combat infidelity in our vocation Proverbs 5: 23 states:
“He dies for lack of discipline, and because of his great folly he is lost.”
To Acknowledge the Presence to be in Communion with Christ 1 Corinthians 11:32:
"But when we are judged by the Lord, we are disciplined[j] so that we may not be condemned along with the world."
To Model Christ and the importance of previous faithful generations Hebrews 12: 6-11 states
"My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor lose courage when you are punished by him. 6 For the Lord disciplines him whom he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.”
7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 8 If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9 Besides this, we have had earthly fathers to discipline us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time at their pleasure, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. 11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant; later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."
Discipline is keeping your vocation faithful, about being in communion with wife/Church/Lord, and passing on the faith towards one’s children/spiritual children. In short, growing in holiness requires correction.
Paternity is the gift of self by its very image and nature. Transmission of life is given and so we must ask: how am I to be disciplined in my love for others? Fathers are you disciplined in lovemaking/abstinence/virginity, AKA charity? So important is paternity that had not Abraham been obedient/disciplined, not only would there be no Jerusalem, there would be no Israel, no Jesus, no Church, no faith, either. Paternity hinges on the future generations.
Our crisis today, to quote Fr. Julian Carron, is the denial of Christ as the Truth of all relationships. More from Carron’s book, Disarming Beauty;
“Here the nature of the marriage vocation is fully revealed walking together towards the only One who can answer the thirsty for happiness that the other arouses constantly in me: Christ. In this way it will be possible not to move from one husband to another, like the Samaritan woman in the Gospel, without finding satisfaction. The awareness that she was unable to solve her own drama by herself, despite changing husbands five times, made her perceive Jesus as a good so desirable that she could not help crying out, “Sir give me this water, so that I may no longer be thirsty...Without an experience of Christ as a human fulfillment, the Christian ideal of marriage is reduced to something impossible to realize."
This is why the Church’s teaches that:
"The nature of conjugal love requires the stability of the married relationship and its indissolubility. The absence of these characteristics compromises the relationship of exclusive and total love that is proper to the marriage bond, bringing great pain to the children and damaging repercussions also on the fabric of society.
The stability and indissolubility of the marriage union must not be entrusted solely to the intention and effort of the individual persons involved. The responsibility for protecting and promoting the family as a fundamental natural institution, precisely in consideration of its vital and essential aspects, falls to the whole of society." (-Compendium of Social Doctrine par 225.)
Our sexual deviance stems from a lack of discipline. Sexual deviance has marched its way through all the institutions of culture and is now being exposed in the Church. We are past the cross-roads. We are now dealing with the fallout/consequences/social pollution of sexual freedom. When we refuse God’s design and purpose we get shame/regret/disease/ rot and collapse.
In Robert Riley's book Making Gay Okay, he states: “Sex is so important that it’s misuse has become the principal means for dismantling culture and political order.” Pornography, divorce, redefining marriage, STI, the pill, fornication, sodomy, trafficking, pedofilia, reassignments and robots all are lies/unreality, counterfeits of what human flourishing was meant to be.
The good in all of this is at least people still know abuse is wrong, but now we have to identity those behaviors that promote it. If we don’t get our own house in order then we cannot give what we do not have. So what is the way out?
Ethan Hawk in his book Rules for a Knight says this about discipline:
"In the field of battle, as in all things, you will perform as you practice; so practice hard. With practice, you build the road to accomplish your goals. Excellence lives in attention to detail. Give your all, all the time. Don't save anything for the walk home. The better a knights prepares, the less willing he will be to surrender."
Our swords have been blunted and for some lost, or even willingly laid down because we have given into pleasure than choosing health and virtue. Just as ecosystems require conservation so too must families preserve and defend the natural family to cultivate life. Fathers of all kinds are called to discipline. It's time to pick up our swords and cut back those invasive species that are ruining our habitat. Your congregation, your family, your town, your school, the future depends on it.
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