Obedience: For the Love of the Other
“On each occasion I say: ‘Lord, thy will be done! It’s not what this or that one wants, but what You want me to do.’ This is my fortress, this is my firm rock, this is my sure support.”
– St. John Chrysostom
Too often men see obedience to another as a sure sign of weakness. The temptation of our culture is to see the service of others as an injustice, an infringement on our freedom to do as we please when we please. The right of the self comes first, refusing to submit to another, ensuring that I get mine. Too often we give into the sin of pride and our selfish desires, too often we miss opportunities to strengthen our wills and to practice right temperance.
Earlier in an article titled, “The Rule of Saint… Dad?” here, I spoke of the right ordering of our lives and the need to practice obedience, stability, and the conversion of life. Let us dive into what I see as a key virtue often misunderstood and practiced even less. Obedience, from the Latin oboedire “to hearken to” or “to obey,” at its simplest is understood to be the sacrificing of one’s will for the love of the Father or out of love for another. It is more than just the completing of a task asked of you by another in right authority, it is the conforming of our will and mind to the will of whom holds the authority or has made the request. Too often the temptation is to think we know better, to complete the task begrudgingly, or to ignore it by seeing this request as being made by someone who is not in a position to do so. However, if an honest reflection is made, we can clearly see that most requests are genuine, well intended, and are made from right authority.
For us men, we owe obedience to the Father, to the Church, and finally and perhaps most apparent to us already… our wives. Too often, particularly when I am tired or in a proud mood, I find myself resenting my wife for asking things of me that a perfectly reasonable. It is an easy way for the devil to make use of my selfishness, driving a wedge between my wife and I and creating the opportunity for unnecessary and hurtful conflict. Each time a request is made of me, I have a decision to make: do I take the opportunity to temper my will and strengthen it or do I react with slowness or reluctance and provide satisfaction to the enemy (St. Josemaria Escriva, The Way).
We are men, we are fathers and protectors, and we are proud. Some of us work long hours, some of us have a hard time finding time for prayer or for ourselves, so when requests are made of us it can be so easy to recoil and resist, especially when we have just sat down for the first time all day and have already planned out the rest of our day. How selfish are those thoughts, for the day is not ours. We owe our time and talents to the service of God and others.
“But is it such a great thing for you, who are but dust and nothingness, to submit yourself to a man for My sake, when I, the Almighty and Most High God, Creator of all things, humbly submitted Myself to human being for your sake? I became the lowliest and the least of human beings, so that you might overcome your pride through My humility.” (Imitation of Christ, 3.13.1).
We must learn to humble ourselves, for we we truly are but dust and must break our own will for the sake of the Father and for others. True love is a self-giving love that does not hold back and does not seek to fulfill its own self interests. To truly attain self mastery, we must practice the virtue of obedience, for when we come to conquer the will not only are we better prepared for spiritual warfare, but are more capable of practicing true charity.
In Christ,
Paul R.
