Dieting for Two
Marriage: it’s a vocation that is truly a blessing. It’s a vocation that many are called to, but few take seriously on a sacramental level. I don’t think we see or read enough of the husband's experience that is truly raw and authentic, let alone from the Catholic perspective. I’d like to share with you some thoughts and observations from my not-so-tenured experience (just over two years) of marriage as a Catholic man, regarding a current situation I'm in.
My wife is a determined woman. When she sets her mind on something, she will do what she needs to ensure she gets to the result that she desires. A current example would be that she’s working toward a particular fitness goal that affects the food she eats and the exercise that she engages in. She’s doing these things for her overall enhanced health.
Now, men, what this also means is that I, too, am on this same journey. Simply put, when your wife is on a diet, you are on a diet. Or, at least, I find that I am in this sort of situation. What do I mean by this statement, exactly? Well, my wife is subjecting herself to a temporary alternative style of eating and exercise to reach a particular physical fitness goal that I do not share with her (not for any certain reason) and therefore I find myself adhering to the guidelines she’s following for her diet.
Why, though? She has said goal and I do not have the same goal, so why am I adhering to virtually the same thing she is willingly subjecting herself to? Well, for a few reasons, and I’d like to point them out.
Firstly, support. Nobody wants to go it alone when venturing on a change as such, and doing it with another person always helps. It isn’t cool to bring home a pint of ice cream when someone is trying diligently to avoid such caloric intake (which I am guilty of), so instead, I will be eating the same sort of food as my wife.
Secondly, I ought to. I ought to desire the change with her, for her. By undergoing the same hardship along with my wife, we can share the burden together to bear more easily the difficulty of the temporary change. By doing so, we can suffer the same temptations and more easily assist one another through the “pain” and perseverance of the health journey.
One other reason that I might offer for also engaging in this challenge with my wife is that it can make me a better man throughout the process, and perhaps, even a holier one. This is accomplished, how? Through trial and hardship, we have the opportunity to offer up our struggles to God. Offering up any sacrifice to God is a way that we realign ourselves rightly to Him: Ad Oratio. By offering up the “sacrifices” during this “diet,” (and I use that term lightly; I’m not a fan; I will be writing on this topic in the future, so stay tuned) I can hope that my suffering can be used by God to better the current and future state of my wife (or however He chooses). By intentionally engaging in the struggle and offering it up for my wife, I am able to take my focus off of the difficulty of this said diet and onto something greater than myself, and that is the point of my role in this.
As husbands, we ought to will the good of our wives as other. St. Thomas Aquinas says that love is “willing the good of the other as other.” In this case, we ought to will that our wives might fully be themselves in the light of Christ. We can do this in many ways, but in my particular situation, it means that I will that my wife succeeds in her journey and that I endure similar hardships so that she might succeed in getting there. While this is for her, it can just as easily have positive impacts on me (although I shouldn’t necessarily focus on that).
So fellas, when your wife wants go on a diet (for whatever reason), man up and tag along with her because you ought to.
Pax Christi
