Finding A Balance
Merriam-Webster has a few simple definitions for the word "balance." One of them I particularly like: "a state in which different things occur in equal or proper amounts or have an equal or proper amount of importance" One of the most incredible things my father said to me growing up was, "Life is all about balance", and low and behold, it is. Don't tell him I said that or he'll say: "I told you that your entire life. Duh." Why do I mention this simple definition? What makes me mention my father and his wisdom? I mention this as a reminder to us as to what the word means, and what is truly important. Our actions often times do not resemble this simple key word. More often than not, our behavior exemplifies extremes on one end or the other. This can be said about any area of our lives; our jobs, our hobbies, our relationships, money, anything. It can be seen in many of us, if not all of us to a certain degree. I know that I can personally recall back to certain times in my life when my attention was too heavy to an extreme. Whether it was relationship, a job, working out (started to gain interest in body building), or some certain interest that caught my attention for the time being; I've been there. I found that whatever I may have been too interested in would slowly (but surely) deter me from what should always be the focus; Jesus Christ and His Church. It may not always have been obvious that I became too invested in whatever it was right away. At times it may have been a friend or a family member that would point out that I'm too far gone into said thing. Other times, if I was quiet enough and receptive, it would be the Holy Spirit tugging at me back to equilibrium- back to balance. Why is balance important, though? Can't being laser focused on something one aspires be a really great at attribute to one's goals or future? What's the harm in putting 110% into something?
I think what needs to happen is for us to take a step back and look objectively at our lives. One should take an honest examination of conscience (which is great, if not a necessary spiritual practice) and look at their life.
If we do happen to be extremely focused on something, we need to look at the REST of our life and what's going on right now and compare it to everything else. Are we neglecting something so that we can focus on this aspiration? Are we letting a different area of our life suffer a little so that this thing can prosper more so? Most importantly we need to ask, how is this thing glorifying God and His Church? What's important to consider is not so much our focus on something, but it's relation to the rest of our being. What I mean is, are we giving equal amounts of attention to the other domains of our lives? Are we balancing the other necessarily important aspects of who we are?
There is indeed a hierarchy we should follow. Obviously, following the first commandment, we need to love the Lord our God with all our soul, all our heart, and all our might. That has got to be first. Secondly, if we are married, then our wives are second. And, if we have children, they come right after your wife. This is the hierarchy I speak of. We must love in this order, or our love will become distorted and not flourish to the potential it was created. Once we've got the hierarchical love down in our lives, we need to return back to whatever is going on and reflect on its relation to the rest of our being. Is this extreme of ours in any way prohibiting my love for God, my wife, or my children? If so, immediately reassess and address it to fix the hierarchy. If not, how does it look in comparison to the rest of our lives- our health, our bodies, our mind, our desire for truth, our esteem, etc... How does it compare? Does it overshadow all of these things? I would argue it shouldn't. What I'm not saying is that it is bad to perhaps be an expert in one thing, or be the go-to on something important. What I'm getting at is that whatever said thing is, it shouldn't turn into what we put the entirety of our being into; it shouldn't become what we worship. If we put our time and energy into something we should always come back to asking, "how is this glorifying Jesus Christ and His Holy Catholic Church?" If we aren't sure of the answer, I'd recommend that we really examine what is going on. Step back, prayerfully reflect on why that answer may not have been a resounding 'yes', and correct it. By 'correcting it' I mean adjust this focus so that it can be done for God and through Him. As Catholics, we worship the one true Triune God, and He alone deserves that worship. Even our desire to worship Him is in of itself a gift from God. He alone should be Whom we do anything for, Whom we give back to what He has given to us. To put our focus into anything and not do it for Him isn't doing the Heavenly Father due justice. Okay so it seems a tangled mess; what does balance have to do with being an authentic Catholic man? Great question. I would say it has everything to do with it. How so? Let’s look at an example. If a man has a wife and children but works 80 hours a week because he loves his job more than being home with his family, I would argue that he has got it wrong. Our vocation as a man can be a host of things, but this man’s vocation is firstly being a husband, and secondly being a father. If what he is doing doesn’t reflect that, and I mean that his actions don’t reflect that order, than something is wrong.
Gentlemen, it comes down to this; God is first, period. Should you be married, your wife is second, period. Should you be blessed with children, they’re third, period. And then we can look at the rest of our lives. Your job should not come before any one of those three. Your job is an avenue to create a means to support you as a husband or a father, not what defines you. (That is something our American culture has really pressed into our brains; that your career is what defines you. We’ll save that for another article.)
Outside of our vocation, (that which God assigns to us to glorify Him) we need to be balanced. There is order with equilibrium, which allows us to focus on what truly matters; being a Catholic man fulfilling God’s plan for us.
It’s imperative that we take time to honestly ask ourselves, “is my life balanced? Is what I’m doing reflective of my identity as a Catholic man? Outside of my vocation as a husband/father or a celibate, do I have everything else in check so that my vocation is the focus that gives God the glory?”
